geek JANE

Best Ways to be Annoying in a Theater

DOES NOT APPROVE FACE

There are few things in a public setting that will really bug me more than people who have horrible movie theater manners. Now, I am hardly a manners expert but it doesn’t take a brain surgeon to understand that when in a movie theater you should be polite. We all pay the same movie ticket price to see the film, so why do some people seem to feel it’s a private screening just for them (and who ever is on the other end of their cell phone)? I have been tempted more than once to throw pop-corn or dump soda on a person who just plain ignores the general rules of common courtesy.

So for everyone that somehow has managed to miss the basic guidelines of movie theater manners all these years here is a little quick summary of what to NOT do in a movie theater. Please review and remember: Ruining a movie for everyone else is a great way to end up with gummy bears in your hair.

• Don’t You Dare Answer that Call!: Cell phones are a wondrous modern technology that I can admit I would have a hard time living without. But all that being said, when the movie is rolling and your phone is ringing, chances are someone else is sending you a deadly hate-stare. If you must leave your phone on I will let you in on a secret: there is this nifty little feature called VIBRATE mode. It’s quiet and perfect for sneaking out to take that important call from your drunk best-friend.
• Don’t You Dare Kick my Seat Again!: Sure, most of us have done it accidentally at least once. You are crossing your legs or you drop your candy and a foot knocks the seat in front of you. Once is understandable but when it happens over, and over and over again then your probably about to get yell-whispered at by the person getting kicked. If it happens more than once at least whisper a “sorry” and be more aware of your appendages.
• Don’t You Dare Stick Your Butt in my Face Mid-Movie!: Okay so this one is kind of rare but it still happens. Say it’s a Friday night opening of a popular movie and the theater is packed. You sit down near the middle of an isle and right after a few people decide they have to have the seats on the other side of you. Now, in a packed theater it is a necessity for all seats to be filled. My problem is that if you are sitting mid-isle that is like signing an invisible agreement with everyone else in the isle Not to get up and slide your butt down the isle in everyones face just to get more popcorn. It’s rude and generally uncomfortable for Everyone. Just saying.
• Don’t You Dare Start A Bejeweled Game on Your Phone!: I get that sometimes we get dragged to a movie that we might not want to see and boredom might set in. That doesn’t mean however that you should assume everyone else is bored and bring out your phone to start playing a game, web surfing or texting. It is incredibly distracting and honestly if you think the movie is that bad then either sit in the back row or sit the movie out altogether.
• Don’t You Dare Bring Your 5 Year Old to a Horror Film!: Far be it for me to tell someone how to be a parent but I think it’s pretty commonly understood that a toddler isn’t the intended audience for Saw VI. Find a baby-sitter or wait to rent it, but don’t drag them along. That is how trauma and night-terrors are born people. The rating system is far from perfect but it does have good intentions.
• Don’t You Dare Narrate the Movie!: I am a big fan of MST3K but guess what: Your not as funny and talking during the movie is probably the most annoying thing on this list. I don’t like having to “ssshhh” anyone in a theater but sometimes it is necessary when chatty cathy sits down behind you and decides to tell her neighbor how much the movie is not like the book she read. Distraction is like the kryptonite of a great movie theater experience.
• Don’t You Dare Show up to the Movie Plastered!: I am hardly against getting a little drunk once and a while but those commercials saying “Drink Responsibly” aren’t just talking about drunk driving. Responsibility implies at least a hint of discretion which usually is non-existent in a drunk person. Going to the movies when you are lit just turns you into that loud-jerk who keeps yelling at the screen and laughing when the movie isn’t funny. Being drunk is great for renting a flick and goofing off on your friends couch but when you have to drive to the theater and pay insane ticket prices it’s not so “awesome”.

These are just a few of my personal pet-peeves and I”m sure as soon as I post this I will come up with at least a few more. I’m not bitter, I just taking my moving going experiences seriously. What can I say? I’m a Movie Geek. Have any annoying habits of movie goers that didn’t make the list? Feel free to discuss and comment!