5 Reasons Why Predators Sucked
* I am going to go ahead and warn you now in this post there are
MAJOR SPOILERS
– I will post a NON spoiler review later, just FYI*
I am a die-hard Alien & Predator movie fan (to be honest Alien a bit more so but still) so the trailers for the new revamp of the 80′s Predator film made me jump for geeky joy. The cast was better than great, the budget was huge and the base material was already a sci-fi classic and fan favorite; so why, do you ask is my post headed as such? Why the blatant animosity? Well here are some pretty good suck-worthy reasons:
1. Danny Trejo dies first. – WTH? Seriously, you kill off Machete before Topher Grace? That guy wasn’t even cool enough to play Spiderman, he had to settle for Venom. Or for that matter before Adrien Brody, I mean I know he is the star (and an amazing actor) but the guy won an Oscar for The Pianist. Not Arnold Schwarzenegger material if you ask me. Danny Trejo is a natural born on screen bad ass and he get’s taken out before any of the other castaways on the island, oh I mean planet. (And yes, that was a intentional LOST reference)
2. Who Cast’s Topher Grace in a Predator Movie? – The guy’s last name is Grace for greyskull sake. You don’t get much more non-action hero than that. Sure, his character was supposed to be the passive nerdy doctor but even when he turned all psychopathic in the end it wasn’t believable. No matter how much they tried to distort his pretty face. And the dialogue written for him was classically nerd-in-a-horror-movie-predicable which just got annoying. Of course they were going to use him as Predator bait!
3. Where were the Predators? - About 40 minutes in you actually get a look at these new “Improved” Predators. This is after the suspiciously RPG video game look-a-like “dog” monsters show up reeking havoc. I was unimpressed with both the re-imagining of the Predator’s as well as the other creatures on the planet which only consisted of two, yep only two others. The dog-monsters and this one rogue alien creature that you see for a split second before it gets shot down by Laurence Fishburne. (Who by the way was significantly miscast as the mayor of crazy island planet who managed to magically survive- he’s Laurence Fishburne people! The man is better than this!)
4. Dialogue?- The cheese factor was so painfully thick in this film that I honestly felt bad for the actors who had to spurt out these awful lines. I almost felt like at some point they were going to turn to the camera jokingly saying “gotcha” and turn the film into a satire. Like I said before, even Topher Grace’s lines were dated as the sarcastic “normal” guy thrown into a crazy situation.
5. The Ending – The big twist was that there were two species of “Predator” on the planet fighting for the lead of the hunt? That is the best you can do screenplay writers (who have written nothing else noteworthy)? Where were the awesome views of the Predator cities they talked about when the film was being made or any look into the Predator origin? And it just made me angry how obvious it was that Brody would “save the day”, I mean we have all seen the trailers and the guy is sporting a killer six-pack at some point, so you knew he didn’t go kaboom in that ship. But even Brody’s great sexy muddy fight scene in the end couldn’t save the mundane purpose for it. And if they honestly are leaving it open for another sequel to a sequel I don’t know what they’re thinking.
Loading ...
