geek JANE

Review: New Moon

Release Date: November 20, 2009
Rated: PG-13 (suicide attempts, lame violence and painfully pathetic glittery vampires)
Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Michael Sheen and Dakota Fanning
Based on the novels of the Twilight Saga by Stephanie Meyer

I know what your thinking; What about me says or even vaguely-with-a-pneumonia-hand-cough-hints that I would be caught dead in a movie theater playing a Twilight movie doing anything other than shooting a water-gun at the audience? Well folks I can admit to seeing Twilight: New Moon for two understandable however unfortunate reasons. They are as follows:

• I didn’t actually pay to see it since I had earned a free Regal ticket
• I wanted to do the right movie reviewer thing and WARN OTHERS!

So, what might I be able to divulge about the massive sensation that is the newest installment in the Twilight Saga? Well I have quite a few feelings about this film and None of them were good ones. But just to be fair I will set it up like a normal review. The film is the sequel to the first Twilight film which is based on the teen romance novels by Stephanie Meyer. They feature the desperately weak female lead Bella who falls for the glittery lame “vampire” Edward Cullen.

In this installment Edward completely abandons Bella leaving her suicidal and deeply depressed. While in this very unhealthy state she gets closer to her friend Jacob who just so happens to turn out to be a werewolf. Love triangles ensue along with dangerous motorcycle rides and suicidal cliff diving that end in the final cliffhanger of an ending.

The only interesting part about the plot here are the so-called “evil” vampires called the Volturi Coven led by the amazing Michael Sheen (as Aro) and including Dakota Fanning (as Jane). If the movie had just been about them and their history I might have liked or even really enjoyed it. I thought that both the Volturi along with the werewolf clan were really interesting and unfortunately were both barely featured in the film making it mostly a depressing romance.

My Biggest problem with these films, and especially in New Moon, is that Bella is a Horrible influence and example for young teen girls/all women. Having had an exceptionally hard time with my first heartbreak I think showing girls that dealing with such a heartbreak in the incredibly unhealthy way that Bella’s character does is just plain dangerous. Bella puts herself in extremely dangerous situations, nearly killing herself all to feel closer to Edward and due to her deep depression.

I don’t know exactly what Stephanie Meyer was thinking writing something like this for teenage girls who soak up media and entertainment influence like a sponge. Irresponsible doesn’t even begin to cover how I feel about Stephanie Meyer as an author.

My other problems with New Moon were less about the socially-dangerous issues and more concerning just-plain-bad-film-making. In all aspects this movie was bad. Kristen Stewart manage to pull off the whole film with the Same Facial Expression. She has problems showing any emotion other than being pissed off. I felt that Taylor Lautner didn’t do a bad job as the teen werewolf especially since you cant help but give him huge credits for taking on the weight of transforming his body just to stay in the cast for this installment.

Most scenes in the movie felt like a bad music video and the good indie soundtrack seemed completely out of place in such a cliche film. Plus it’s really bad when you are rooting for the bad guys because the protagonists are so totally lame.

Bottom Line: DANGEROUS EXAMPLE FOR TEEN GIRLS; AWFUL FILM